


A Piece in Their Games

by soamazinghere



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 22:35:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soamazinghere/pseuds/soamazinghere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss Everdeen has a job that many of her fellow Capitol residents would covet, working as part of the staff that produces the Hunger Games. An unexpected promotion to escort for District 12 changes the course of her life as she's forced to leave her family and her home, and become more deeply involved in the Games than she ever imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Panem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panem/gifts).



> Panem's prompt for this story was "a variation on the Book of Ruth." This started out as a smaller Book of Ruth-focused Everlark story, but gradually got bigger as I felt compelled to add background to the story. 
> 
> I had help from two wonderful ladies on this story. Thanks to K for providing feedback on my outline and doing her usual awesome beta work. And thanks to R for pre-reading and giving me the encouragement I needed to finish.

Gale Hawthorne wasn’t supposed to win the 74th Hunger Games.

 

It wasn’t necessarily Gale Hawthorne himself who wasn’t expected to win; it’s just that everyone has low expectations for the tributes from District 12. Tributes from that far-away, coal mining district rarely make it even halfway through the Games. They fight just as hard as any of the other children who are reaped, of course, but the dark-haired, olive-skinned teenagers who usually represent the district are so scrawny, weak, and pitiful that they just don’t stand a chance.

 

No one could figure out how it happened, but Gale Hawthorne wasn’t like any other District 12 tribute in recent memory. You couldn’t tell it from his skin, hair, or facial features – no, in all those respects, he was just like any other boy from 12. But he was tall and he was strong. He had a fierce determination in his eyes that simultaneously frightened and intrigued the Capitol viewers. Being eighteen years old, as well as one of the most handsome tributes in his Games, certainly worked in his favor as well. 

 

That year, the Capitol fell in love with the boy from District 12. (His district partner, a typical, pathetic-looking young girl, has long since been forgotten.) With his natural strength and help from the many sponsor gifts he received, he reigned as the Victor of the 74th Games.

__________

 

The sponsor gifts that were so immensely helpful in securing Gale’s win didn’t appear solely due to his looks and abilities, though; district mentors and escorts also play a key role in “selling” their tributes. Unfortunately for District 12 contestants, however, their only mentor – the only living Victor from 12 – was the perpetually-drunk Haymitch Abernathy. And he was rarely seen at the events occurring throughout each year’s Games, where mentors mingle with the wealthiest Capitol citizens and representatives from large, money-laden businesses to solicit donations and gifts to support the tributes.

 

Much of that effort fell to District 12’s escort, Effie Trinket. It wasn’t exactly in the escort’s job description to coordinate sponsor gifts, but she was well aware that securing the success of her tributes would only help advance her career. So she stepped in where Haymitch wouldn’t. Unfortunately, the tributes she was typically trying to promote had so few talents and so many flaws that even her relentlessly positive attitude was useless in garnering support for them.

 

Until the coming of Gale Hawthorne, that is. Finally Effie had a tribute who she could effectively campaign for. And campaign she did, down to the very last second when Gale was named Victor. Effie’s contributions to the victory of an incredibly popular contestant – which was so improbable, having come from a poor, outlying district – were not overlooked. And with such an accomplishment under her belt, Effie Trinket finally got what she had been clamoring for all along – a promotion to a better district.

__________

 

“Katniss! Katniss!” She whips her head around at the insistent tone of the woman running toward her. “Marcus wants to talk to you _right now_ ,” the woman tells her seriously. Katniss nods her head, removing the microphone from the waistband of her skirt and handing it to a nearby cameraman.

 

Marcus Lagerfield is not someone you ignore. He isn’t a Gamemaker, but he is the person who directs all of the other on-air aspects of the Games – the interview shows where the contestants are introduced, the reaping broadcasts, the Victor recap shows – _everything_. It takes hundreds of people to produce the broadcasts that the citizens of Panem watch so intently each year. And he has the last word in every piece. When he asks to see you, you don’t keep him waiting.

 

So Katniss Everdeen is understandably nervous. She stops in front of a mirror as she hurries down the long corridor to Marcus’s office, smoothing her skirt and ensuring that every last strand of her green-dyed hair is in place. As one of the small cadre of young, attractive reporters who appear on-air during each Games, she knows she has a job that many would covet. Her involvement in a variety of televised segments that are broadcast when there are lulls in the action – some of her past features have included talking to mentors about their tributes, discussing favorite contestants with her fellow Capitol citizens, and touring memorable locations from past arenas – also makes her popular with viewers. She hopes that hasn’t changed; she’s never been called to speak to Marcus by herself before.

 

She attempts to reassure herself that she’s unlikely to be fired. After all, she’s good at her job – her segments consistently get high ratings, the producers always tell her as much – and she’s unfailingly professional in all her interactions with other Hunger Games staff. Although he’s never admitted it, she knows that she only got this position through her father’s influence, which is considerable due to his high-ranking position overseeing Panem’s defenses. Because of that, she’s always made a point to put in extra effort to show people that she’s capable and willing to work hard; she’s not just the spoiled, rich daughter of one of Panem’s elites.

 

Stopping in front of the door to Marcus’s office, Katniss takes a deep breath before knocking. “Come in,” he calls from inside.

 

“You wanted to see me, Mr. Lagerfield?” she asks hesitantly as she approaches his desk.

 

“Yes, Katniss, please have a seat,” he says, gesturing at the small, silk-covered sofa near where she stands. She sits timidly on the edge of the cushion, waiting expectantly for him to speak.

 

He finally turns to face her. Marcus Lagerfield is an extremely unassuming man given his powerful position within the Hunger Games. He’s short (only about Katniss’s height, and she’s average for a woman), very thin, and what little hair remains on his head turned white years ago. Katniss notices how fragile he looks and wonders how someone who appears so weak managed to gain so much authority. But she has little time to consider this before he begins speaking.

 

“I’ve heard excellent comments on your reporting for the Games, Katniss. And after watching you for the past several years, I’d have to agree. Would you be interested in possibly taking on a new role within the Games?” he asks, leaning back in his chair to gauge her reaction.

 

“Absolutely, Mr. Lagerfield,” Katniss responds immediately. She’s satisfied with her current job, but she’s also smart enough to realize that you don’t say ‘no’ to this man. “What is the job, exactly?”

 

“You’ve heard that I recently promoted Effie Trinket to become the new escort for District 5?” Katniss nods in response. “Good, then you must realize that we need a new escort for District 12. And I’m offering you the position, Katniss, if you’re so inclined.”

 

Katniss can hardly believe what she’s hearing. Escort positions are very hard to come by and are quite prestigious. But they do require a good deal more work than her current job. She’d be expected to spend most of her days before and during the Games either with her tributes or working on their behalf, in addition to traveling to and from the district for reapings and other events throughout the year.

 

But she knows she can’t turn down this opportunity for numerous reasons. She would likely damage her career irreparably if she turned down a position that Marcus Lagerfield personally selected her for. Just as importantly, she wants to make her family proud and repay her father for everything he did to help her succeed. So with no hesitation in her voice, she tells him, “I’ll take the job, Mr. Lagerfield. You won’t be sorry.”

__________

 

Before Katniss became an escort, she had never personally spoken to a tribute.  As a matter of fact, the majority of the Hunger Games staff never see or talk to the actual contestants. They are sequestered in the Training Center for the most part, brought out only when necessary for certain special events like the tribute parade. And it’s become an unspoken rule that only Caesar Flickerman gets to interview them. Reporters like Katniss talk to mentors, fans, and occasionally Gamemakers, but never to the tributes themselves.

 

So, most of her knowledge of the tributes came from watching the Games on television. Katniss, like many residents of the Capitol, grew up entranced by the Games and everything associated with them. She and her younger sister, Primrose, spent hours watching the non-stop footage of the Games and arguing over which tributes were likely to win. When they were little girls, they created mini-arenas in their playroom and staged Games with their dolls. As they grew older, they swooned over the most handsome boys and felt irrational jealousy toward the prettiest girls. Due to their father’s clout in the government, they were able to attend the tribute parade every year. Katniss admired the tributes for their bravery, fearlessness, and willingness to lay down their lives for the good of Panem.

 

Suffice it to say, Katniss had a lot to learn during her first two years as an escort. When she conducted her first reaping, she was surprised at how uncomfortable the entire situation was. The people in the crowd—both the children and adults—seemed almost hostile toward her. And the boy and girl whose names she picked didn’t act honored to be chosen; they just seemed scared.

 

Meeting the tributes and talking to them on the train as she escorted them to the Capitol was the worst part. That’s when Katniss learned exactly how frightened and angry these young people really were. None of them wanted to be in the Games, which astonished her and went against everything she’d been taught growing up. But as hard as she tried to reassure her tributes, tried to remind them of the great honor of their position, and tried to be just like Effie – nothing worked. And as their escort and a citizen of the Capitol, she often received the brunt of her tributes’ anger.

 

She was ashamed to admit to herself that she had never before given much thought to the fact that the tributes – despite all the honor and prestige of their position – were being sent to die.

 

And die they did; all of her tributes during her first two years serving as District 12’s escort.

__________

 

Winning the Hunger Games didn’t do anything to staunch Gale Hawthorne’s anger at the Capitol. It didn’t suddenly make him begin to respect the power that the Capitol wielded over the districts, and it certainly didn’t make him feel lucky to be alive. If anything, he was angrier than he’d ever been. He hated himself a little bit for accepting the money and the house that were his “rewards” for being a Victor…but he was practical, and after all he’d been through, he wanted to at least make sure that his mother and younger siblings were well taken care of.

 

But after his Victory Tour, he couldn’t bring himself to return to the Capitol to face the Games again. He knew what was expected of Victors, but he was more interested in preserving his sanity by staying at home. Haymitch, who Gale learned actually had more wits about him than people gave him credit for, warned him to be quiet about how he felt. He took pity on Gale, knowing how it felt to be a new Victor, and allowed him to remain in 12 while he continued to serve as mentor to their district’s tributes for the first two years after Gale won.

 

Still, the Capitol didn’t forget their popular District 12 Victor. And one day, the inevitable telephone call came telling Gale that his fans were clamoring to see him, and therefore he would be expected to mentor in the next Games. No amount of polite protesting was able to make the Games official on the phone budge. And when Gale stormed to Haymitch’s house after the phone call, all he received was a resigned shrug and a reminder that “this was bound to happen someday, kid.”

 

Soon enough, Gale found himself on a tribute train bound for the Capitol, along with two unfortunate children that he could barely look in the eyes (the only difference between these two and the tributes from any other year was that one was the fair-haired, blue-eyed daughter of a merchant family), and Katniss Everdeen.

 

Gale had never paid Katniss Everdeen much attention before. He attended the reapings she conducted for the past two years, but he had schooled himself to remain as distant as possible from the proceedings that occurred just a few feet from where he sat. He tried to not really hear or see anything, with the hopes that he wouldn’t feel anything later if he shut it all out. He’d heard talk around town that Katniss didn’t have quite the same enthusiasm as Effie Trinket, that she seemed somewhat awkward and unsure of herself, but none of that mattered to Gale. He knew everything he needed to know about her: she was from the Capitol and she was part of the Hunger Games, making her complicit in the murder of numerous children.

 

It was easy to decide that he hated her, even before they ever met.

__________

 

“Gale? Um, Gale?” a voice calls timidly from behind him.

 

He turns around slowly. He’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts, trying desperately to forget that he was just hours away from returning to the Capitol, that he didn’t even hear Katniss enter the dining car behind him.

 

He silently appraises the young woman standing in front of him while trying to give her an intimidating glare. He concedes to himself that she’s pretty; probably more than most women he remembers from his previous visits to the Capitol. Of course, most women in the Capitol cover their faces with so much makeup that it’s impossible to tell what they really look like. Katniss doesn’t, though. But she decorates herself in other ways that make it obvious she’s one of them. He hates her god-awful green hair, with its asymmetrical cut that’s considerably shorter on the left side than the right. And her arms and upper chest are covered in an elaborate set of matching green tattoos that are always visible thanks to the strapless dresses that she usually wears. None of the women back in District 12 – not even the wealthiest merchants – have the time or money to put so much effort into their appearance.

 

“What is it?” he responds curtly. He doesn’t want her to find him approachable or likeable; he just wants her to leave him alone as much as possible. So he’s been purposely trying to treat her poorly ever since they and their tributes boarded the train back in 12. It seems to be doing the trick; Katniss has barely spoken to him during the trip.

 

Katniss sits across from him at the dining table, clenching her fists nervously. “I, uh, wanted to ask what you’re planning to say to the tributes. I mean, to start helping them prepare. We’re arriving in a few hours,” she reminds him. “I’ve only seen what Haymitch does…” she trails off, thinking that she doesn’t need to say more.

 

“Why would I do anything different?” he asks angrily, standing up from his seat. “We all know they’re just here to die for your entertainment. What’s the point of preparing?”

 

“But someone _will_ win, Gale,” Katniss says pleadingly. “It could be one of them!”

 

“Please, you’ve seen them,” he snaps dismissively as he turns his back and makes his way to leave. He gives her one last look as he reaches the door. “Besides, they’d be better off if they weren’t crowned Victor.”

__________

 

Gale made certain that his relationship with Katniss began contentiously enough. Reacting strongly against anyone and anything he associates with the Games was one of the ways he protected himself from the Capitol. And Haymitch had warned him that Katniss was different than Effie. While Effie never seemed to be anything more than the woman everyone saw conducting the reapings each year, Katniss seemed to want something from them. Haymitch wasn’t sure what, but he told Gale that she made him nervous. She asked questions. The kinds of questions that someone from the Capitol shouldn’t be asking. Haymitch always refused to answer.

 

So Gale is unsurprised when Katniss starts asking him questions, despite his obvious attempts to discourage her. She starts off with simple, safe topics, such as asking him about his family, or what his school was like back in District 12, or what his favorite foods from back home are. He gives her the shortest, least detailed answers he can muster. Still, over time she seems to grow more comfortable with his presence and starts asking the kinds of questions Haymitch warned him about. Did he wish he hadn’t won the Games? Isn’t it an honor to be chosen as a tribute? Does the Capitol take good care of the people in the districts?

 

Almost every one of her questions, though, is more complicated than she realizes. And he doesn’t trust her. Why would she be asking him these things? He’s certain that it’s not above the Capitol to use someone like Katniss to gather information, to make sure that their Victors are behaving as they should and not causing trouble. So he tries to give her a Capitol-approved answer every time, although he’s sometimes unable to stop himself from letting his own opinions slip through. He wonders if Katniss notices what he’s _not_ saying when he answers her.

__________

 

As he sees more of Katniss, though, the less Gale suspects her of being a spy or trying to gather information about him. He becomes more certain that she’s just hopelessly naïve. In a way, he feels sorry for her: her questions sound like she’s repeating information that she found in a textbook.

 

In the first Games he served as a mentor, he saw Katniss nearly break down when their first tribute – a tiny thirteen-year-old named Oriana – died. He didn’t realize at the time why she had stormed out of the room so suddenly, but when he found her later, sobbing on the rooftop of the Training Center, she admitted to him that she was always emotional about her tributes’ deaths. At least, she had been ever since she became an escort. She never thought much about the tributes’ actual deaths before she met and got to know some of them.

 

As he attempted to comfort her, it sickened him to realize how thoroughly the Capitol citizens must divorce themselves from the reality of the Games. Hundreds of children have died in the Games during Katniss’s lifetime, but it’s as if she didn’t comprehend that fact before she was directly confronted with the deaths. They were never really _people_ to her before, just part of the show.

 

He starts to understand why Katniss questions him so much about the Games and how they’re perceived back home. She senses the injustice that’s occurring but knows only what she’s been taught. There’s no one else she can talk to without casting suspicion on herself, and they wouldn’t have the answers she’s looking for anyway.

 

His better instincts tell him not to, but as time passes, he opens up to Katniss more. He doesn’t volunteer information, but he answers her questions honestly when it’s safe to do so. He even asks her some questions about growing up in the Capitol, curious to understand what led her to where she is today. Eventually, they’re both genuinely surprised to realize that they consider the other a friend.

 

If Gale is completely honest with himself, he could almost envision being more than friends with Katniss. As he gets to know her better, and sees more of the Games and the Capitol, he’s convinced she’s the only thing keeping him sane when he’s there. Something about her presence comforts him. Maybe it’s just the knowledge that there’s at least one person in the Capitol who seems like a normal human being. He’s not really sure. But aside from a few awkward hugs and brushes of their hands, he doesn’t allow himself to get too close to her. He and Katniss are from completely different worlds and there’s no point pretending things are different.

 

He’s also not completely convinced that their friendship has benefited Katniss. As eager as he is to tell the truth about the Games and life in the districts, he sees the weight of that information settling on her. She’s not as light-hearted or innocent as she was when they first met; she seems to carry a burden of guilt now. He can see it every time she talks to their tributes, every time she conducts a reaping. She looks almost ashamed; of what, he’s not exactly sure. But he can guess. She doesn’t realize how much she leans on him for support, but he tries to be there for her.

 

He starts to think that she was better off when she didn’t know.

__________

 

It happens one day as an impulse. Katniss and Gale escape briefly from the hubbub surrounding yet another reaping on the pretense that they need to talk. In reality, they just need to take one last break from everything related to the Games. Once the reaping occurs, there won’t be any escaping it until the Games are over, or at least until their tributes have both been killed.

 

As they wander slowly through the meadow, Gale once again notices the drained, resigned look that Katniss all too often wears when they’re together. For once he doesn’t stop himself from pulling her to his chest, wishing for the hundredth time that he hadn’t had any part in putting that look there. Katniss tenses briefly in his arms, but then surprises him by reaching up and bringing their mouths together in a brief, soft kiss.

 

As their eyes meet, they quickly pull away. “What was that?” asks Gale.

 

“I couldn’t resist,” Katniss admits. “I just…needed to feel something, I guess. Being here for another reaping…” She sighs and trails off, kicking the toe of her shoe into the dirt. “Sorry,” she offers.

 

Gale smiles sadly. “Don’t be.” He honestly doesn’t mind that Katniss kissed him now – he may have even enjoyed it – but he’s sure she won’t ever do it again. He doesn’t need her to.

 

“We should get back,” she tells him, looking at her watch. It’s still some time before the reaping, but these days it takes her more time to prepare to be “escort Katniss.” It’s not as easy as it used to be. She looks around, trying to remember the way they came from. Gale nods and starts to lead the way back.

 

They walk back in silence, but before they reach the town square Gale stops her, sensing her nervousness. “Hey. Everything’s fine. We’re fine,” Gale reassures her.

 

“Just like always,” she nods.

__________

 

In truth, though, things aren’t really “fine” ever again.

 

They go through all the motions, just like every year: another reaping filled with silence and dread, another pair of despondent teenagers, another train ride that feels like a funeral. But when they reach the Capitol, the routine varies unexpectedly. An avox comes to take the tributes to the Training Center, and Katniss and Gale are asked to wait on the train.

 

After sitting in a confused, uneasy silence for several minutes, the door to the train car finally opens. Katniss gasps inaudibly as Marcus Lagerfield enters. She has no idea why he’s here, or why she and Gale have been asked to stay, but she suspects the worst.

 

“Katniss. Gale,” he says, greeting each of them in turn with a curt nod of his head. Before he continues, he examines the two of them closely with a curious expression on his face. Katniss sits motionless at the dining table where they had eaten breakfast with their tributes not two hours ago; Gale leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest several feet away. The tension in the air is palpable. Finally, Marcus lays a piece of paper on the table and slides it to Katniss.

 

She can feel the blood drain out of her face as she looks at it. She silently passes it to Gale, but he doesn’t have any visible reaction as far as she can tell. He just looks at Marcus, challenging him to say more.

 

The paper was a photograph of Katniss and Gale, kissing in the meadow back in 12, several days ago. “That picture,” Marcus explains, pointing at the paper still clenched in Gale’s hand, “has been making the rounds in the Capitol – ”

 

Frantic, Katniss interrupts him mid-sentence. “I’m so sorry, Marcus! It was the only time. We’ve never… We didn’t know there were any cameras around and – ”

 

“Katniss,” Marcus says, cutting her off. “You don’t understand why I’m here. You’re right if you suspect that relationships between people in each of your positions would normally be frowned upon. But people all over the Capitol have, shall we say, fallen in love with your love story.”

 

“But we don’t have a ‘love story’!” Gale protests angrily. “Katniss and I aren’t – ”

 

“Stop right there,” Marcus commands. “I don’t need to know anything about your relationship with Katniss. People in high positions in Panem’s government are interested in seeing how this plays out. How a love story between a Capitol citizen and a district resident might be perceived.”

 

“But it wouldn’t be real,” Katniss insists weakly. She senses that no amount of objecting will make a difference, though; unlike Gale, she understands just who Marcus is and what influence he has over the Games.

 

Marcus ignores Katniss as he continues. “The two of you are being asked to continue your ‘romance’ throughout the upcoming Games. Whenever you’re in public, we want you to make your feelings for each other obvious.”

 

“And what if we don’t?” Gale challenges him.

 

Marcus turns to Gale with an unreadable expression on his face. “There will be consequences for you both,” he says simply, as he stands and turns to leave. “You’re free to proceed to the Training Center now. Keep my instructions in mind from here on out.” He strides out of the room without looking back at the stunned faces of Katniss and Gale.

 

Katniss stares helplessly into her lap, feeling ashamed as the weight of Marcus’s words settles over her. She’s learned enough from Gale over the past two years to realize that the “consequences” will be so much worse for him than for her. Completely incomparable, really.

 

“Gale, I – ” she begins, turning to face him with unshed tears in her eyes.

 

He puts up his hand to stop her. “Don’t. There’s nothing we can do about this,” he says flatly. She can see the anger in his eyes – she just doesn’t know if it’s directed at the Capitol or at her. He clenches and unclenches his fists a few times before walking to the door. Just before he leaves, he stops, as if remembering something. He extends his hand back to her, beckoning. “Come on.”

 

She slowly rises and makes her way to him. She puts her hand in his, and he intertwines their fingers. Taking a deep breath, he plasters a smile on his face as they leave the train car a happy couple.

__________

 

Over the next couple of weeks, Katniss throws herself into the romance with Gale as if her life depends upon it. If the things Gale has told her over the past years have been even partially true, then his life may _truly_ depend on it. It’s unfortunate that neither of them is good at acting; Katniss notices that Gale’s facial expressions don’t quite match his actions when he’s holding her or kissing her. She assumes hers are the same. That is to say, equally unconvincing.

 

But she still tries. They both do. They become accustomed to holding each other’s hands anytime they’re in public, to the point where it’s almost second nature and they do it without thinking. Other displays of affection are harder to undertake without conscious thought, though. Especially since the forced physicality they display in public has caused them to act almost the opposite when they’re together in private, as if they’re both retreating into their individual spaces.

 

The gestures are simple but hopefully meaningful enough to those who are watching them. Gale slipping his arm affectionately around her waist as they walk through the streets near the Training Center. Katniss purposefully pressing her lips to his when she knows they’re likely to be on camera during the tributes’ interviews. Countless “furtive” embraces when they’re anywhere _but_ in the privacy of District 12’s floor in the Training Center. They know that their actions are being caught on cameras to be broadcast on TV or printed in the newspapers; what they don’t know is if they’re accomplishing whatever it is they’re supposed to accomplish.

 

At the end of the Games, after Katniss and Gale have watched two more of their tributes die in the arena, they receive their verdict. The only problem is, they can’t tell whether they’ve succeeded or not, because they don’t know whether they’re being rewarded or punished.

 

Katniss and Gale are politely but firmly informed that they will be getting married within days. Katniss will be stepping down from her escort position and moving to District 12 with her new husband.

__________

 

“Katniss, you can’t go!” Primrose cries to her older sister. “When will I see you again?” she sobs.

 

Katniss feels numb, knowing that the answer to her sister’s question is probably “never.” Citizens of the Capitol aren’t allowed to travel to the districts unless they have specific business to be there. In fact, before becoming an escort, Katniss had rarely left the Capitol. Now she’s leaving the only home she’s ever known, probably forever.

 

She has to admit that she’s been growing further and further apart from her family since she started to learn about the lives of people in the districts from Gale. She can’t exactly talk to her father or her sister about what she’s learned; her sister is far too naïve about life outside the Capitol, and her father, with his prominent government position, firmly believes that the system as it exists is fair and just. But even though Katniss has been growing more distant from her family, she’s not ready to leave them. Especially given the fact that this choice was forced upon her.

 

“It’s okay, Prim,” Katniss reassures her while packing her clothes into the trunks that are going with her to 12. “After all, I’m marrying the man I love.” She hopes that she sounds confident enough to convince her sister. Prim can’t know the truth behind her situation; she might be punished if she happened to let anything slip. And since Katniss doesn’t know how severe that punishment might be, she thinks it’s safest to keep her younger sister in the dark.

 

The girls’ father sits in the corner of the bedroom, maintaining a stony silence. At Katniss’s words about her impending marriage, he frowns and gives an almost imperceptible shake of his head. Katniss knows that he’s having difficulty accepting what’s happened, but the fact that even he couldn’t prevent it tells her just how serious her situation is.

 

“But moving to the districts, Katniss!” Prim wails. “And District 12 of all places! All they have there is coal – it sounds so depressing! I don’t care if you love him – you can’t leave!”

 

Katniss looks helplessly around the room. She doesn’t know what to say – of course she doesn’t want to leave. But she has no choice in the matter, and her sister’s wailing isn’t making her inevitable departure any easier. Her eyes fall to her father and she gives him a pleading look.

 

“Primrose,” her father interjects, “Your sister’s made her decision. Can you please go call your mother – tell her Katniss will be home to say goodbye to her in an hour.” Prim sniffles and shuffles dejectedly out of the room.

 

“Dad, I – ” Katniss begins.

 

“Katniss, listen to me,” her father tells her urgently as he walks across the room and sits down next to her on the bed. “I’m going to get you out of this. I’m not sure how soon I can do it, but I will.”

 

Katniss nods silently. Her father is the only one in her family who knows the complete truth of her situation, even though he’d so far been powerless to change it. He may even have known her fate before she did.

 

“It’s not the worst thing imaginable, Dad,” Katniss says, trying to stay strong for his sake. “I was just…surprised at what happened. I didn’t know…” she trails off, biting her lip.

 

Her father puts an arm around her shoulder and pulls her to his chest. “I know,” he whispers. “I should’ve tried to warn you. I should’ve kept you away from the Games…”

 

“It’s not your fault, Dad. This has never happened before.”

Her father sighs but doesn’t immediately respond.

 

“Just be ready. Okay, Katniss? I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you come back,” he promises.

 

Katniss tries to find these words reassuring. She’s always idolized her father, and he’s always done everything to make her happy. She’s not convinced that he can do anything to help her now, but she knows that if anyone can, he will.

__________

 

Gale and Katniss were married in a showy Capitol wedding ceremony and soon afterwards shipped directly to District 12. They take up residence in Gale’s comfortable home in the Victor’s Village with his mother and three younger siblings: brothers Rory and Vick and sister Posy. They continue to live comfortably thanks to Gale’s Victor salary from the Capitol. Katniss is immensely relieved to know that Gale’s salary means that she won’t have to find a job right away; her only skills – gleaned from years of working for the Hunger Games – aren’t exactly in high demand here.

 

They quickly settle into a new routine for their life in 12. Gale spends most of every day out of the house and away from Katniss. He won’t tell her anything more than to say that he goes to “the woods,” but she doesn’t know where that is or what he does there. The only thing she sees that looks like a forest is outside of the district boundary, but she can’t imagine that’s where he goes; she knows from what she was taught in school that the areas outside of the boundaries are dangerous. But she doesn’t ask for details – she doesn’t think he owes her an explanation.

 

When she first arrives in the district, Katniss spends much of her time wandering by herself, trying to learn about her new home. Although she had been to 12 many times during her years as an escort, she was mostly familiar with the town square (where she conducted her reapings) and the Mayor’s house (where she stayed when visiting). She explores the town, familiarizing herself with the shops available there. It’s a poor selection compared to what she grew up with in the Capitol, and mostly devoted to food and necessities. She supposes that few people in the district have the money to spend on luxury items.

 

She discovers the area that locals call the “Seam,” which appears to be the poorest part of the district, where the coal miners’ families live. She notices the striking distinction between the fair-haired town residents and the black-haired Seam dwellers, and comes to the realization one day that during her years as escort and as far back as she could remember, almost every District 12 tribute came from the Seam. She wonders how that’s possible.

 

It doesn’t escape her notice, either, that if she allowed her hair to return to its natural black, she would look just like anyone from that part of the district. In fact, she _wishes_ that she’d had the foresight to dye her hair black before she moved to 12; her green hair makes her stand out like a sore thumb. She can cover her tattoos – they’re not permanent anyway, so if she just wears a long-sleeved shirt for a month or two they’ll fade from her skin – but her hair marks her as an outsider.

 

Most people here aren’t exactly friendly toward her, and she can’t blame them. Hundreds of children stood in the town square quaking in fear for the three years that she came to conduct reapings. For a small number of residents, she took their sisters or brothers or sons or daughters off to the Capitol and delivered them to their deaths. She has a hard time facing anyone, because she knows that she was complicit; she was a willing part of the Hunger Games. She wishes there was a way she could make amends.

 

It’s a lonely existence for Katniss. Her husband spends his days avoiding her, she spends her days avoiding everyone else, and she’s reviled by almost everyone in the district. Gale’s family though, particularly his mother Hazelle, _try_ to make her feel accepted. None of them know the truth about her relationship with Gale either – much as she did with Prim, she and Gale are trying to protect his family by not burdening them with information – so as far as they know, she’s simply the girl that Gale fell in love with and married. So that redeems her in their eyes: if Gale sees something good in her, it must be there.

 

She doesn’t blame Gale for spending so much time away from her. It’s exhausting to devote so many of their waking hours to living a lie, but that’s what they have to do when they’re together, especially in the presence of others. In all honesty, she probably prefers it this way.

 

She wonders if her father will keep his promise and try to get her out of this. But it’s been months and she hasn’t had so much as a phone call or letter from him or anyone from back home. So slowly she comes to accept that this is the life she’s meant to lead. It makes her feel slightly better to imagine this as a punishment (although completely inadequate) for participating in the Hunger Games – she knows she deserves it.

__________

 

Gale often includes his brothers on his excursions to the woods. They frequently stay out all day, sometimes not returning until after dark. So on one unseasonably warm March evening, when Katniss, Hazelle, and Posy eat dinner alone, no one is alarmed. In fact, none of them even give the men’s absence a second thought.

 

It’s only much later, when Katniss wakes up and realizes that Gale is not asleep in his usual spot on the couch on the other side of the bedroom, that she knows something is wrong.

 

Days pass with no word. The Hawthorne women wait, without hope, as district residents and Peacekeepers conduct a search. Eventually the news comes, surprising no one. The bodies were discovered in the forest, miles outside the district. An accident, they’re told. Some kind of wild animal must have attacked them. “That’s why you don’t leave the district boundaries,” the Peacekeepers tell them, rubbing salt into the wound. As if that information would make a difference now.

 

Hazelle, Posy, and Katniss never see the bodies. They’re promptly buried in the district’s lone cemetery, alongside their father.

__________

 

Katniss doesn’t feel she has any right to mourn, but she has to for Hazelle and Posy’s sake. It would only hurt them more now to learn the truth about her and Gale. But she tries to strike just the right balance between mourning enough to be believable, and devoting herself to taking care of the remaining Hawthornes. She feels almost inexplicably responsible for them now. They’ve lost so much. Her losses are nothing in comparison.

 

Late one evening not long after the deaths, Katniss and Hazelle find themselves alone once Posy has gone to bed. Katniss is cleaning in the kitchen while Hazelle sits behind her at the table, staring absently into a cup of tea.

 

“We have to leave the house,” Hazelle says suddenly.

 

Katniss turns around, a questioning look on her face. “What do you mean? No we don’t.”

 

Hazelle smiles sadly. “The house was Gale’s reward. They told me we have to vacate it within two weeks.”

 

Unable to face Hazelle any longer, Katniss returns to drying the dishes, hoping to contain the anger that she feels building inside her. She had already learned that Gale’s Victor salary was lost when he died; she didn’t realize that the house would be taken as well. She’d always been taught that Victors are well taken care of after the Games. But apparently their families are not.

 

“Where are we going to go?” Katniss asks quietly, trying to control her voice.

 

“Back to our old house in the Seam, I suppose,” Hazelle muses. “But Katniss, you don’t have to come. This is your chance to go back to your family, back to the Capitol.”

 

Hazelle doesn’t know about the forced nature of Katniss and Gale’s marriage, but she saw Katniss’s sadness when she arrived in the district. At the time, Katniss attempted to explain away her feelings as mere homesickness, hoping that she could avoid any further questions into her relationship with Gale. It worked. And now Hazelle understandably thinks that Katniss wants to go back.

 

It’s not that Katniss doesn’t miss her family or the easy life she had back in the Capitol. But she’s not sure she _can_ go back. She’s seen too much of the deplorable living conditions here and learned too much about how Panem’s government treats most of its citizens to fathom returning to that world. Going back to the Capitol would mean ignoring everything she’s learned – and maybe even returning to the Hunger Games. She doesn’t think she can do that.

 

And what would happen to the Hawthornes if she left? She knows that Gale was the main provider for his family after his father’s death. Without him, one of his brothers could have stepped in, but they’re gone, too. Posy’s not even ten years old and Hazelle hasn’t held a job in years. Gale told Katniss – although she barely believed him at the time – that it was common for people to starve to death here. Katniss can finally understand how that would happen. It’s an increasingly likely fate for the Hawthorne women.

 

“No, I, uh…I can’t go back,” Katniss lies. “I have to stay.” Truthfully, she doesn’t _know_ if she’s lying – she honestly has no idea whether or not she can go back – but it’s easier to pretend that she simply can’t. She’s decided to stay and do whatever she can to help Hazelle and Posy.

 

She’s not sure she’s capable of helping, but leaving would mean nothing short of abandoning them to die. And after working for the Hunger Games for so many years, she doesn’t want to contribute to any more deaths.

 

 


	2. Two

The Hawthornes left their house in the Victor’s Village and returned to the house in the Seam where, Katniss was told, they had lived up until Gale won his Games. When she first saw the house, Katniss could hardly believed that it had _ever_ been lived in; it was in such poor condition that it looked like it had been abandoned a hundred years ago. But it fit right in with the other houses around it, and Hazelle and Posy paid no particular notice to its condition, so Katniss tried her best to get used it.

 

But it was difficult. In the Victor’s Village, Katniss sometimes forgot that she was in District 12 – everything in the house came straight from the Capitol. The Seam house, though, fit every stereotype she ever had of living conditions in 12. The house was tiny, really only two rooms – a living/kitchen area and a shared bedroom. Because electricity rarely worked in the Seam, the house was dark and stuffy almost all the time. There was absolutely no privacy, giving Katniss no choice but to leave the house when she needed to be alone.

 

The shock of Gale’s death, moving suddenly to the Seam, and experiencing true poverty for the first time in her life left Katniss almost unable to function. So she found herself needing to be alone often, but leaving the Hawthorne’s house meant being confronted with the curious and hostile stares of the district residents. Before all of the recent devastations, she had nearly grown accustomed to receiving so much unwanted attention when she went anywhere in the district. But nowadays, she just wanted to be invisible. After one particularly emotional day when she attempted to go into the Hob and trade some of her old Capitol clothing, she returned to the Hawthorne’s house and, standing in front of the dirty, cracked mirror in the bedroom, cut off what remained of her trendy, asymmetrical haircut. The hair that was left was now all one length, just hitting her shoulders, and almost entirely black, save for some traces of green near the ends. It comforted her a little to see how similar she looked to everyone in the Seam.

 

It didn’t stop anyone from staring, though.

__________

 

Katniss sits on the ground, trying to make herself as small as possible as she leans against a tree in an alley behind the merchant shops. All she wants to do right now is curl up and hide. She can’t go home, though, and face the questioning eyes of Hazelle and Posy. She can’t face the fact that, as hard as she is trying to take care of them, she’s utterly failing. Their money has long since run out, even what little Katniss was able to bring with her from the Capitol. Katniss has traded away every last possession of hers that held any value within the district. She has nothing left – nothing to trade and no way to get money or food. They still have a good amount of food at home – Katniss is grateful for that fact at least – but she has no idea how long it’ll last. She’s been trying to eat little and give as much as possible to Hazelle and Posy, but she’s weakening quickly. Unlike most people in the district, she’s never gone hungry a day in her life.

 

She’s staring off into the distance, trying to ignore her hunger and temporarily forget about her desperate situation when she hears a door open behind her. Katniss abruptly stands up and brushes off her pants, trying to make it seem as if she was just walking by. Some of the merchants don’t react well when they find people loitering in this alley – she hasn’t experienced it herself, but she’s heard them yelling at children rummaging through the trash bins before. She’s not that desperate – not yet anyway.

 

As she jams her hands into her pockets and turns to walk away, she nearly stumbles into the arms of the young man who’d just emerged from one of the shops. “Sorry,” she mumbles, dropping her head and attempting to sidestep him.

 

“Are you okay?” he asks. She looks up hesitantly. The man seems to be about her age, with messy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He’s wearing an apron that’s covered in flour. Maybe he works at the local bakery? She wouldn’t know – she never actually goes into any of the shops. She doesn’t have money, and even when she did, she didn’t want to face the merchants’ stares.

 

She nods curtly. “I’m fine.”

 

His eyes narrow as he looks at her thoughtfully. “You’re Katniss Everdeen, aren’t you?”

 

She clenches her fists, suddenly feeling cornered. Nothing good ever comes from people recognizing her and talking to her. Most people don’t do anything but stare; people who speak to her are usually angry, and she doesn’t have it in her to argue today. “Yes,” she says, facing him with a defensive posture. “Are you mad at me for almost reaping you? I’m _really_ sorry.” She turns to leave.

 

“You didn’t, I’m too old,” he calls after her. She stops but doesn’t turn to face him. “I just didn’t realize you’d still be here after…”

 

She shakes her head. She doesn’t have time to waste answering intrusive questions about Gale’s death, or why she didn’t return to the Capitol. “I’ve got to get home.”

 

“Wait! Can I at least give you some bread to take back to the Hawthornes?” he asks.

 

She stops again and drops her face into her hands. She knows that she can’t say no, but she doesn’t have a clue as to why he’s even offering it. Or what he wants from her. Abruptly she walks back to him, swallowing her pride. “I…um, don’t have any money with me right now – ”

 

He motions for her to follow him. As they walk toward the back door of the bakery, he tells her quietly, “Don’t worry about that. It’s…a gift.”

 

As they enter the bakery, she stands awkwardly just inside the door, unsure of what to do with herself. The young man walks to the front and soon returns with a heavy paper bag. Katniss takes it from him cautiously but doesn’t even look inside – whatever it is, they’ll eat it. She’s not about to be choosy. “Um…thank you,” she says sincerely.

 

The young man flashes her a shy smile and extends his hand. “I’m Peeta, by the way.”

 

“Peeta.” She takes his hand and gives it a tentative squeeze. “I really appreciate this.”

__________

 

 

The bread that Peeta gave Katniss wasn’t necessarily able to change the Hawthorne’s dire circumstances, but it at least gave her some more time to try to figure things out. They could make their food last for a few more days while Katniss tried to find a permanent solution. And she was grateful for that.

 

She continues to spend her days wandering the town, hoping for some kind of answer to appear. It doesn’t. But in the meantime, almost as if he knows how much she needs it, Peeta continues helping her. Somehow he manages to find her anytime she comes near the bakery, and he always gives her more bread to take home. Katniss accepts it from him appreciatively every time, even though she has to lie and pretend that she paid or traded for it when she returns home. (She quickly discovered after the first time she brought home Peeta’s bread that Hazelle is extremely reluctant to take charity from anyone. Katniss doesn’t understand why, given how desperately they need food, but she doesn’t question it.)

 

Katniss is nervous though – the bread feels like a reprieve that’s just allowing her to delay fixing her problems. What will she do when Peeta stops helping her? She’s no closer to a solution than she ever was.

__________

 

“Which one’s your favorite?” Peeta asks her. He’s smiling at her as they stand in the front of the bakery, glancing at the display cases. As far as she can tell, Peeta’s always smiling – at least he always is when she sees him. Katniss stares, noticing how the smile improves his already-handsome features. She blushes and looks away when she considers what he might think if he catches her gawking at him.

 

“Um…they’re all good,” she answers noncommittally. The truth is that she hasn’t really eaten much of any of the bread she’s brought home – she gives most of it to Posy or Hazelle, and usually only takes some for herself when it’s stale. She’s sure she’d love any of it, though, if they taste as good as it smells in the bakery all the time. The aroma of baked goods almost makes her faint whenever Peeta invites her inside.

 

“I know _that_ ,” he tells her, placing one hand gently on her back. With his other, he gestures to the display. “But I thought I’d let you pick what you like best, for once.”

 

She bites her lip and considers her options. “Well,” she remembers, “Posy really likes the one with raisins and nuts, if you have it.”

 

“I do,” he confirms as he walks behind the counter to place a loaf in her bag. “But what about _you_ , Katniss?” he asks pointedly.

 

“Honestly? I don’t usually eat much of it,” she admits.

 

“Why not?”

 

She shrugs. She knows that he’s aware of the situation she’s in – not having enough money or food – because he’s been kind enough to continue offering her bread, taking nothing in return. But she doesn’t really want to admit out loud the kinds of sacrifices she’s forced to make. The thought of acknowledging her problems directly to him makes her feel incredibly embarrassed. She’d rather the knowledge be unspoken between them.

 

Seeing that Katniss is clearly not going to answer him, Peeta chooses a few more loaves of bread and adds them to her bag. He walks back to her and presents it with a flourish, making her laugh. “For you,” he says.

 

“Thank you so much, Peeta.” She still can’t believe her good fortune in finding him.

 

They stand awkwardly in silence for a moment. Katniss finds herself not wanting to leave, and Peeta doesn’t seem eager to return to the kitchen either. Eventually Peeta speaks up, nervously running his hand over the back of his neck. “So, uh, Katniss…” He stares at his feet briefly before looking back up at her. “I could use some extra help around here. Just to get me through the school graduation season, you know. It’s a busy time.”

 

She looks at him in confusion. What is he getting at, exactly?

 

“Would you…would you be interested?” he asks hesitantly.

 

“You’re offering me a job?” she blurts out.

 

Peeta chuckles a bit at her reaction. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

She doesn’t want to say no. She can’t say no. This is what she’s been trying to find for so long. Something that can help her take care of the Hawthornes. She feels humbled, though, knowing that Peeta is probably just doing this because he pities her. She wishes desperately that it hadn’t come to this.

 

“I don’t know, Peeta,” she tells him, indecision lacing her voice. “I want to…but everyone in the district hates me. It’d be bad for your business.”

 

“That’s not true, Katniss,” he tells her firmly. “Do you think _I_ hate you?”

 

She smiles shyly at him. “No.”

 

“Then it’s settled! You work for me now,” Peeta says happily.

__________

 

Peeta Mellark was pretty sure he couldn’t tell Katniss this, but he was incredibly relieved when she took the job he offered. He’d seen her in town quite often both before and after Gale’s death – even if she hadn’t been _the_ Katniss Everdeen, District 12’s Hunger Games escort, people from the Capitol tend to stand out when they visit the district – but he’d grown alarmed at what he saw recently. Although she’d long since given up wearing clothes that marked her as coming from the Capitol, the clothes she did wear (hand-me-downs from Hazelle Hawthorne, he guessed) were hanging more and more loosely on her already-thin frame. Her face was drawn and tired, presumably from her grief at losing Gale. It was clear that she was growing weak, and probably wasn’t eating. He just wasn’t sure why – was she choosing not to eat due to her sadness, or were the Hawthornes running out of money?

 

He would have guessed the former – he’s aware that the Capitol gives Victors some kind of monetary reward when they win, even if he doesn’t know the details – but then he heard customers in the bakery gossiping that the Hawthornes had left the Victor’s Village and had returned to the Seam. Why would they choose to do that?

 

He decided that it’s not his place to analyze why Katniss looked so sickly. Giving her the bread was his way of trying to help out the Hawthornes – if Katniss wouldn’t eat it, that was her choice, but he hoped she passed it on to Gale’s mother and sister at the very least. He hoped they appreciated it, whether or not they _needed_ it.

 

Peeta didn’t have any particular tie to the Hawthornes that compelled him to help them out – he and Gale were never friends (even though they were the same age and went to school together), and he only knew Gale’s other family members in passing – but they had suffered particularly hard losses, even for a District 12 family. It had been enough of a blow when Gale’s father died in a mining accident years ago, but to then lose all three Hawthorne boys at once…Peeta couldn’t imagine how Hazelle was coping with everything.

 

Growing up in a merchant family, Peeta knew that he had an easy life compared to many in his district. Sure, he had to eat the bakery’s stale leftovers often as a child, but it was still better than going hungry, as he knew poorer families from the Seam often did. Even when he was a child, he wanted to do more to help his classmates when he could see that they clearly needed food, but his mother never allowed him. She thought that giving away anything would just lead to more and more “Seam rats,” as she called them, showing up at her back door.

 

But eventually, Peeta’s parents retired and left the bakery to him. As the youngest, he was definitely not first in line to inherit the bakery, but his two older brothers had married merchant women and left home to work in their new family businesses. So circumstances worked out in Peeta’s favor in the end. And running the bakery – even if his parents still help out from time to time – means that he gets to make the decisions now. And he decided that he wanted to help the Hawthornes – and Katniss.

 

Since the first time he offered Katniss bread, he’s had many more opportunities to see her and talk to her. He saw how her eyes lit up whenever he offered her more, even though she seemed a bit hesitant to accept it at times. Every now and then, when they stood inside the bakery chatting, he even heard her stomach growling from hunger. He became convinced that she was not depriving herself of food out of grief, but rather she simply didn’t have enough to eat. He didn’t know how that could be – he didn’t even understand why she remained in the district after Gale’s death, honestly – but he knew if she was hungry, the Hawthornes probably were, too. If that were the case, his occasional gifts of bread wouldn’t be able to help much. 

 

He’d also heard a good deal of gossip about Katniss around town. She’d always been a topic of conversation ever since she’d moved here, but nowadays people almost seemed to be taking delight in her downfall. They said that she’s been seen in the Hob or visiting merchants in town attempting to make trades. People congratulated themselves on taking her expensive possessions and giving her little in return. He didn’t know why, but it made him angry to hear people talking that way about Katniss. He felt that he knew her at least a little bit by now, and she didn’t deserve to be treated to poorly. Even if she was from the Capitol.

 

Everything he learned strengthened his resolve to help Katniss and the Hawthornes in a more significant way. Offering her a job seemed to make sense; he really did need more help, and a steady source of income would be more useful for taking care of a family than just giving her food. Katniss seemed a pleasant enough person to be around, and he imagined he’d like getting to know her better.

__________

 

At first all Katniss feels for Peeta is extreme gratitude.

 

Having a job allows her to support Hazelle and Posy. It’s still difficult, but they can get by. They’re no longer on the brink of death, and she has Peeta to thank for that.

 

Katniss works in the bakery all throughout the busy season preceding school graduations. She finds it curious that people here can even contemplate celebrating when so many of their children are still of reaping age. But she supposes that there might not be many reasons to celebrate in District 12, and with the uncertainty of the reapings, the opportunity to celebrate with family could be taken away at any time. Maybe it makes more sense than she thought.

 

It’s not lost on Katniss that, just like her old job with the Hunger Games, she didn’t get this job through her skills or merits, but through someone else’s intervention. First her father, now Peeta. So she falls back on her old habits, working long hours to show how much she appreciates the job in the hopes of making a good impression. She thinks she must be doing well enough; Peeta never complains, always seems happy to see her, and even lets her take home bakery leftovers every night. Now that she’s working at the bakery, Hazelle isn’t worried that she’s accepting charity, so she takes them without question. Even Katniss allows herself to share.

 

Once the graduation season draws to a close, she worries about being asked to leave her job. She’s tried to save money during the short time she’s worked for Peeta, but with three people to support on one meager income, there’s only so much she can do. They could survive for a while, but not for very long. A part of Katniss wants to ask Peeta to tell her exactly when she’ll have to leave, but she ultimately decides it’s better to say nothing. He hasn’t mentioned her job ending, so maybe it won’t. Maybe he’ll forget. Who knows? She just knows that she wants to keep this job…and not just because it allows her to help Hazelle and Posy.

 

It’s Peeta. In her life, she’s never encountered anyone like him before. He’s the most kind and caring person she’s ever met. That might not be saying much, she realizes, because she didn’t know many kind people back home in the Capitol. Her old job was very cutthroat, and most of the people she was closest to (including her parents and sister) were concerned with their own ambitions and making their own way in the world. And she was just like them – that’s how she was raised. She never worried about anyone but herself and (sometimes) her family. She’s fairly certain that if their positions were reversed, she would never have helped Peeta the way he’s helping her.

 

The two of them spent hours together at the bakery, often alone. They ended up talking a lot, each curious about the other’s background and childhood, discussing what it was like growing up in the Capitol versus growing up in the districts. She grew comfortable enough around him that she was willing to ask him honest questions when she didn’t understand something. She was almost always ashamed to answer the questions he asks her, though, because they force her to confront and admit to just how easy life was in the Capitol. Now that she’s experienced life in District 12, she knows exactly how imbalanced their situations are. Or were. Katniss’s situation in life has obviously changed quite a bit from the past.

 

The hardest things for her to talk about are her past involvements in the Hunger Games. It was such a big part of her life for so long that she can hardly avoid the topic. And Peeta, just like every other District 12 child, went through the terror of possibly being reaped every year when he was of age. So he’s curious to hear about the Games from her perspective. She tries to explain as best she can what the Games are like for those in the Capitol, but she can’t find a way to do it that doesn’t make her sound heartless. She supposes that she _was_ heartless, though, for enjoying that kind of…entertainment. She tries to tell him that she didn’t know what it was like in the districts, that she was naïve. But Peeta doesn’t judge her or blame her at all. He just listens.

 

Before Katniss realizes it, the school graduation season has come to a close. But Peeta hasn’t asked her to leave, and in fact, he’s never even implied that her job might not be permanent. She doesn’t question her good fortune; she just keeps working.

 

She realizes – although it embarrasses her to admit it – that she isn’t spending long hours at the bakery anymore because she thinks she owes Peeta, or because of the Hawthornes – she’s doing it because she wants to spend more time with this man. She knows she has a crush on him at the very least. Although she never had time for any real romantic relationships before Gale (and what she and Gale had wouldn’t exactly be called “real”), she remembers what a crush feels like from her school days. She suspects this might go beyond mere infatuation though. She worries that this might be what falling in love feels like.

 

And she doesn’t want that. It’ll only bring her pain, because she knows Peeta will never, ever feel that way about her. She simply has too much baggage – she’s at least partially responsible for the deaths of numerous children from the district. So she vows not to say anything. But her vow doesn’t stop her from enjoying her time with Peeta anyway.

__________

 

Sometimes Peeta wonders what exactly it is about Katniss that makes her presence so strangely comforting to him. She’s tiny, thin, and kind of awkward-looking – as hard as she tries, she still stands out as being not quite like everyone else here. Her hair is choppy and uneven, mostly black with just a hint of green still remaining; it’s only just gotten long enough that she can pull it into a messy ponytail when she works in the kitchen. When she pushes up her sleeves to work with dough or wash dishes, he can make out the fading remainders of the tattoos that used to cover her arms. Her clothes are baggy and ill-fitting. But when she’s around him, he finds it difficult to look away. He’s inexplicably drawn to her. Despite everything, he finds her beautiful.

 

He originally gave her a job because he felt sorry for her and wanted to help the Hawthornes. He didn’t know how long he’d keep her around; maybe until he was sure the Hawthornes had recovered from the deaths, or until Katniss needed to return to the Capitol. (Like everyone in the district, he assumed she would someday.) But over time he grew accustomed to her presence, to the point where he felt that his day hadn’t really started until he saw her. He missed her on her days off and felt lonely when she wasn’t around. So he never again spoke of her leaving the job, with the hopes that she would stay and he would benefit from her continued presence in his life.

 

Katniss simply defied his expectations in practically every way. He realized that he had definite opinions about people from the Capitol, but she was different somehow. Maybe because she’d lived in District 12 for so long now, or maybe because she’d been with Gale…he doesn’t know why, but she doesn’t act like he expected women from the Capitol to act. She’s not heartless, nor is she oblivious. She carries a lot of guilt on her shoulders and the weight almost seems to have broken her. But she’s also trying to fight, and he admires that quality.

 

He finds a lot to admire in Katniss, as a matter of fact. She must’ve really loved Gale to stay – even through all the hardships – to take care of his family. Peeta had no idea why she’d never gone back to the Capitol or why the Hawthornes seemed to be struggling so much, but he could see that Katniss had promptly moved herself into the position of caregiver after the deaths. All of this in spite of the fact that she didn’t have to remain here and ultimately had no formal responsibility to do so. He wanted to ask her more about this, but regardless of their easy conversation on a number of other topics, he could never figure out how to raise this one.

 

He looked at her often without her noticing. He could see the sadness in her eyes and wondered what caused her to feel that way. Was it Gale’s death? Was she longing to return home? He didn’t know, but when he saw that look, he wanted nothing more than to make it go away. He wanted to protect her. But he didn’t know how.

 

One day, as Katniss was leaving to go home for the evening, she hugged him. It seemed like a whim, like she didn’t even give it any further thought. She simply hurried out of the bakery and into the night. But he found himself unable to forget the feeling, however brief, of her arms wrapped around his waist, of her body pressed to his. The next day he caught her as she was leaving and embraced her again. This brief touch became their way of saying goodbye at the end of their long days. Peeta wanted more from her, though; he was overwhelmed by how strong his feelings for her had become. And touching her didn’t satisfy him at all – it just made him feel the pain of the emptiness in his life that much more acutely. He knew she could fill that emptiness.

 

But Katniss was still grieving her husband. There was no place for him.

__________

 

Late one evening after Posy has gone to bed, Katniss and Hazelle are cleaning up the remains of their dinner. Katniss has just finished laughingly recounting a funny tale from her day in the bakery when Hazelle gives her a fond smile. “Peeta’s a good man,” she tells Katniss. “We’re lucky he needed your help.”

 

“He really is a good man,” Katniss agrees.

 

“If I didn’t know, better,” Hazelle says, “it sounds _almost_ like the two of you are friends now.”

 

Katniss mulls over that statement as she cleans the kitchen table. When she moved to 12, she never imagined she’d have friends. Most people here still don’t seem particularly fond of her, but Peeta’s the exception. “I guess we are,” she muses. “He’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. Aside from Gale, that is,” she hastens to add, looking guiltily at the older woman.

 

“Of course,” Hazelle nods absently. The two women work side-by-side for several minutes before Hazelle speaks again. “You talk about Peeta a lot,” she says hesitantly, giving Katniss a sideways glance. “Do you have…feelings for him?”

 

Katniss ducks her head and blushes, feeling strangely defensive. She’s not sure how to answer, how honest to be – Hazelle is the mother of her dead husband, after all. What’s an acceptable response here? Katniss shakes her head. “To him, I’m just another girl from the Capitol,” she says dismissively. “And worse, I reaped kids for the Games. People here don’t like me – he just puts up with me for my help at the bakery.” She nervously scrubs the counter, hoping that Hazelle doesn’t notice that she evaded the actual question.

 

Hazelle reaches over and gently places hand on Katniss’s wrist, stopping her movement. “Does he know how you feel about him?” she asks softly. Katniss averts her gaze and remains silent. “You should tell him, Katniss. I don’t want to see you deny yourself happiness based on some kind of loyalty to Gale. He’s gone.”

 

Katniss sighs. Despite what Hazelle is telling her, having feelings for Peeta seems like a betrayal to Gale. She’s not sure why that is – after all, both she and Gale knew that they weren’t in love – but she feels it nonetheless. And besides, she’s not supposed to be thinking of her own happiness. She decided long ago to devote herself to caring for Gale’s family. As happy as it makes her to imagine being with Peeta, there’s no point to those thoughts. They’re not realistic.

 

“I _am_ happy,” Katniss whispers, trying to convince them both.

__________

 

One early summer day, a Peacekeeper comes to the Hawthorne’s house, asking for Katniss. She’s summoned immediately to the Justice Building to meet with an official from the Capitol. She leaves reluctantly, unsure of what fate awaits her.

 

The Peacekeeper escorts her silently down a long hallway and opens a door, motioning for her to enter. She gasps as she sees who waits for her inside. “Dad!”

 

“Katniss!” he exclaims, moving toward her and engulfing her in his arms.

 

She can barely breathe. There was a time when she would have wanted nothing more than to see her father; now she’s not sure what she wants. “How?” she stutters. “It’s been…I haven’t – ”

 

Her father leads her to a chair and kneels in front of her, clasping her hands in his. “I did it, Katniss. You can come home, you can have your escort job back,” he tells her. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. We had to give you adequate time to mourn the death of your husband.”

 

“I…what?” Katniss shakes her head, trying to make sense of what she’s hearing. She can’t leave. What will happen to the Hawthornes without her? “I don’t…I don’t think I can go.”

 

Her father laughs incredulously. “What do you mean? Of course you’re coming. I figured out how to end your marriage, and that was _not_ simple to accomplish,” he tells her firmly.

 

“You…ended my marriage?” she repeats to herself. “You mean…” Her father doesn’t speak, but she can see it in his eyes. He was somehow responsible for Gale’s death. She draws in a shaky breath and slowly pulls her hands from his grasp. She never knew her own father was capable of something like this. Doing something so horrible – taking someone’s life – just to bring her home.

 

She also comes to the sickening realization that she can’t tell him anything about how she’s been taking care of the Hawthornes. If he knew that’s what was making her hesitant to return to the Capitol, who knows what he’d do? The Hawthornes would just be more obstacles in the way of getting her home. But Katniss also has no idea how they’ll survive without her help. It almost seems like she’s signed their death warrants no matter what choice she makes.

 

If she goes, though, at least they’ll have a chance of surviving on their own. Maybe she can convince Peeta to help them…

 

“Okay,” she says quietly. “Okay. How long until we leave?”

 

Her father nods approvingly. “One week. I’ll be waiting for you.”

__________

 

The next day at work, Katniss tries numerous times to figure out what to say to Peeta. She has to tell him she’s leaving. She has to ask him to help the Hawthornes. But the truly hard part is, she has to do all this without giving him a reason why.

 

At the end of the day, she hugs Peeta goodbye – maybe just a little tighter and for just a little longer than usual – and leaves. She’s decided that she needs to walk a bit, clear her head, and then return to the bakery later. She’s counting on this time away from Peeta to help her gather her courage.

 

Later that evening, she finds herself back in town, back in the alley where she first encountered Peeta months ago. She clenches her fists and takes a deep breath, staring at the lights she can see in the kitchen. Suddenly, a hand grasps her shoulder from behind. “Katniss?”

 

She jumps and jerks away from the hand quickly. Turning around, she releases the breath she’d been holding in when she sees who it is. Peeta. “What are you doing here?” he asks her, concerned.

 

“I need to talk to you,” she blurts out breathlessly. Katniss opens her mouth to begin speaking, but as she meets his eyes, the beautiful blue eyes she’s grown so fond of over these past months, words fail her. All she can think is how she’s never going to see his face, never going to feel his arms around her ever again. Tears start falling silently down her cheeks. She wraps her arms protectively around her waist and turns her back to him, attempting to regain her composure.

 

Clearly alarmed, Peeta tentatively places his hand on Katniss’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

 

She knows why she came to see Peeta tonight, and she knows what she needs to do…but in this moment, she decides to be selfish. If she’s going to be forced to leave and return to a life that she’s not sure she can live anymore in the Capitol, she’s going to let Peeta know how she feels about him. She doesn’t want this to become one more thing for her to regret.

 

Wiping her tears on her sleeve, Katniss slowly turns back to face Peeta. “Nothing.” She looks up at the sky, unable to hold his gaze. “I just wanted you to know…ugh, I don’t know how to say this.” She pauses to collect her thoughts. She hates to be so forward, but there’s no time for her to be anything less. Rather than figure out the right words to say, she stands on her tiptoes, reaches for Peeta’s face, and presses her lips softly to his.

 

Seconds pass without a reaction. Katniss raises her eyes; Peeta’s staring back at her with a confused expression. She can imagine why; it was probably the last thing he was expecting her to do. “Listen, I’m sorry for doing that. I just…I had to. You know, in case I don’t ever get a chance to do it again,” she explains hastily, the words suddenly pouring out of her. “I don’t want to make things awkward, I mean, I know you don’t feel the same, but everything’s so….messed up, I guess? I had to do it once.”

 

Peeta still has a stunned look on his face, but he finally manages to speak. “Don’t apologize,” he mumbles, reaching for her hand. “I just…I had no idea. If I did, I would’ve told you how I felt a long time ago.” Katniss narrows her eyes at him in confusion and he laughs softly.  “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, Katniss.”

 

She feels Peeta’s arms wrap around her, pulling her to him. He rests his cheek on the top of her head and for a moment she lets herself melt into his embrace. But only for a moment. Soon enough she brings herself back to reality. She wants to be happy; after all, she just discovered that Peeta has feelings for her. She _should_ be happy. But his confession only frightens her. She knows how dangerous it is to love her, and she doesn’t want Peeta to get caught the way Gale did.

 

Her father is somewhere in the district. He could be watching her right now for all she knows. Nervous, she pulls abruptly out of Peeta’s arms. “Let’s go inside.” She turns and walks into the bakery without so much as a glance at Peeta. But she knows he’s right behind her.

 

When the door closes behind her, Katniss decides that it’s time to tell him what she had actually been planning to tell him all day. She faces him. “Peeta, I – ”

 

But before she can even finish her sentence, he places his hands on her face and lowers his mouth to hers. She knows she should push him away, and she halfheartedly tries to, but she can’t. It’s been so long since she’s felt this safe and content. In fact, she’s not sure she ever truly has. Katniss loses herself in the feeling of her mouth and Peeta’s moving together seamlessly. And when Peeta later takes her upstairs, she doesn’t protest, doesn’t try to speak up. This is her last chance to ever feel like this, she’s sure of it.

__________

 

The sun is streaming in through a window that doesn’t look familiar to Katniss. She doesn’t recognize the room, or the bed, until she notices the sleeping form of Peeta lying next to her. Waking up next to him is bittersweet; Katniss knows this is the last time she’ll ever get to experience this. It may have been easier to have never told him how she felt, because then she wouldn’t have discovered that he felt the same. And she wouldn’t know how much she’s likely to hurt him when she tells him she has to go back to the Capitol. But she has to tell him – today.

 

Katniss closes her eyes, trying to enjoy the last few moments she has here. She tries to memorize the feeling of Peeta’s chest pressed to her back, the comforting weight of his arm around her waist, the warmth of his breath on her neck. If only she could freeze this moment and live in it forever.

 

But soon enough, the spell breaks. The comforting regularity of Peeta’s breathing changes; she knows he’s awake. The kiss he presses to her shoulder confirms it. “Good morning,” he mumbles sleepily. A lump forms in Katniss’s throat, leaving her temporarily unable to speak. She can’t fight the shaky sigh that escapes from her. “What is it?” Peeta asks.

 

“We shouldn’t have…I mean, I wanted to stay last night, but…” she trails off.

 

“But what? If we both wanted it – ”

 

She interrupts him. “It’s not that, exactly.” She rolls onto her back, needing to place a bit more distance between the two of them. “It’s just…I came here last night to tell you something, and I never actually said it. I’m going back to the Capitol, Peeta. I’m leaving.”

 

At these words, Peeta struggles to sit up, giving her a disbelieving look. He drops his head into his hands, and before he can speak, Katniss raises herself up next to him. Even though she shouldn’t say more, she can’t bear to leave with him thinking she wanted to go. “I don’t have a choice, Peeta,” she says softly, but with a pleading and desperate note to her voice. “Don’t think for a minute that I want to leave you. But my father came himself to take me back. He’s waiting for me,” she admits.

 

Peeta closes his eyes and drops his forehead to her shoulder. “Katniss, no,” he begs, “I don’t want to let you go now.”

 

“And I don’t want to let you go either, but…there’s nothing we can do.”

 

He raises his head and runs his hands reassuringly up and down her arms. “I’ll figure something out,” he tells her.

 

“Please don’t,” Katniss says. “Promise me you won’t.” She can’t bring herself even now to tell him the complete truth. She doesn’t want to admit to him that her own father was responsible for Gale’s death. What would he think of her if he knew?

 

“There’s got to be something!” he protests angrily. “How can I just sit here and do nothing?”

 

“There’s nothing you can do, Peeta,” she sighs. “You won’t be able to get past my father. He’s…very powerful.”

 

She and Peeta continue to argue about the futility of taking on her father, until Katniss finally convinces him that her leaving is for the best. She tells him her concerns about the Hawthornes’ well being, and he promises to do whatever he can to take care of them after she leaves. They both know it won’t be easy – Hazelle won’t want to accept his help if it seems to be charity – but Peeta says he’ll figure something out. Katniss trusts him.

__________

 

Katniss spends to next few days trying to prepare to leave District 12, the Hawthornes, and Peeta, forever. She continues to work at the bakery just as she had before – after all, any money she earns can be used to help Hazelle and Posy – but she doesn’t allow Peeta to outwardly show his affection for her in any way. She tells him it’s because she’s afraid of getting too emotionally attached right before she leaves. It’s really to protect him.

 

The Hawthornes were surprised to hear that she was going back to the Capitol, but if Hazelle worried about how they would survive without Katniss, she didn’t let on. She seemed truly happy that Katniss was going home; she assumed that Katniss wanted it. And for the Hawthornes, Katniss was able to do what she couldn’t bring herself to do for Peeta – that is, she lied to them so that they wouldn’t know she was being forced to leave. Better for them to not know the complete truth.

 

One evening after she finished packing up what few possessions she had left – only things that had so little value that they couldn’t be traded or sold – Katniss is once again summoned to the Justice Building. She’s worried that her father’s changed his mind about waiting a week, that he’s going to make her leave right now, without even saying goodbye to Peeta. But she can’t think of any plausible excuse not to go with the Peacekeeper standing at the Hawthorne’s front door, so she reluctantly leaves. She’s led to the same room where she met with her father before.

 

He stands abruptly as she enters. “Why didn’t you tell me, Katniss? Why did you send your _boyfriend_ to talk to me?” he snaps at her furiously.

 

Katniss takes several steps back. Her father is very intimidating when he’s angry. “Tell you what?” she asks, confused.

 

“That you’re _pregnant_ ,” he shouts. “I can’t return you to your escort position pregnant! The people back home will be furious if they realize you’re pregnant with another man’s baby so soon after Gale died.” He turns away from her; she can hear him take several deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. She’s still not quite sure what’s happening. He continues sadly, still unable to face her, “I wish you hadn’t done this, Katniss. There’s nothing I can do now. You’ll have to stay here.”

 

Five seconds ago, Katniss had been ready to confess the truth. She was going to tell her father that he was wrong, that she wasn’t pregnant, that she could come home with him after all. But now she’s not sure what to do – he just said she could stay. That’s what she wanted, but…what if he found out it was all a lie? What would happen then? What would happen to Peeta?

 

She decides not to confess the truth right now. Not until she talks to Peeta, at least. She needs to understand what he was trying to do. She needs to tell him the truth about her father and see if he’s still so eager to be with her.

 

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Katniss apologizes. “It’ll be okay this time. It’s not like with Gale – I really love this man. I do,” she says earnestly.

 

He sighs and sinks down into a nearby chair. “I’ll figure out something, Katniss. You don’t belong here.”

 

“No, please. Dad, I’m fine,” she pleads. “I’ll be happy here.”

 

Her father, of course, is not easily convinced. He vows to bring her back someday, still believing that’s what she really wants. They say their goodbyes and he prepares to return to the Capitol: the place she now understands is no longer her home.

__________

 

After leaving the Justice Building, Katniss walks with as much calmness as she can muster toward the bakery. She wants to break into a run, but she knows that as long as her father is still around, she can’t call attention to herself. The bakery itself is dark, but she can see lights on upstairs. She runs to the back door and knocks loudly. When Peeta answers several minutes later, she storms past him and up to his apartment.

 

When they reach his small living room, she whips around to face him. “You talked to my father!” she hisses accusingly. “You told him I was pregnant!”

 

Peeta sighs and rubs the back of his neck with one hand. “Yeah, it was the only thing I could think of. I guess I thought they wouldn’t want a pregnant escort. I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Katniss, I don’t care! Did it work?”

 

Katniss closes her eyes and tries to control her voice. “Yes, but…you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, Peeta!” She looks around helplessly before sinking into a chair. “My dad killed the Hawthornes, Peeta. All so that I could go back to the Capitol. _Killed them_! You could have gotten yourself killed, too!”

 

Peeta looks stunned at her confession. But eventually he moves to sit next to her, taking her hand in his. “But he said you could stay?” he asks hopefully.

 

“Because he thinks I’m pregnant, Peeta!” she exclaims. “What if he finds out I’m not? You’ll be dead! You’re expendable to him and I can’t lose you, too.”

 

Peeta rubs his hands over his face. “Maybe he doesn’t have to find out. Maybe – ”

 

Katniss stands and strides toward the stairs. “I’ve got to see if he’s still here,” she says determinedly. “I’ve got to tell him the truth.”

 

“No, Katniss!” Peeta grabs her arm roughly, pulling her back. “I want to be with you – don’t you want the same?”

 

She jerks her arm out of his grasp. “I’d rather know you’re alive here than return to the Capitol knowing I’m responsible for your death!”

 

“Please, Katniss!” Peeta begs. “We still have time. We can figure something out.” Katniss looks at him, horrified, as tears fall from his eyes. “There’s no life for me here without you. Don’t you understand that? You can go, but I’d never be happy again.”

 

“Peeta, I – ”

 

“No, Katniss, please, just listen to me for one minute,” he says urgently. “ _One minute_ ,” he repeats.

 

She crosses her arms over her chest and exhales a deep breath. “Alright.”

 

“What’s waiting for you back in the Capitol, huh? You told me you were being forced to go back; you don’t _want_ to go,” he tells her.

 

“I know that,” she says in exasperation.

 

“But here, you have Hazelle and Posy.” His voice breaks and he’s silent for a moment before continuing, “You have me. We have each other. Isn’t that worth more than anything you have in the Capitol?”

 

Katniss blinks and a tear falls down her cheek. He’s right, but… “It’s too risky,” she explains unsteadily, “We’ll never really be safe.”

 

“ _I’ll_ keep you safe,” he promises firmly. “You mean too much for me to let you go now.”

 

Katniss hesitates, just long enough for Peeta to pull her into his arms and bury his face in her neck. And when he’s holding her, she starts to believe that maybe everything can be okay. Maybe they really can figure this out. Maybe they will be safe. Deep down, she knows that’s foolish, though. Peeta has no idea who he’s up against.

 

But she’s selfish, and she wants something that she knows only Peeta can give her. It’s been a long time now since she felt that the Capitol was truly her “home,” and at the same time, District 12 never really has been either. She doesn’t fit in either place. But she fits with Peeta. When she’s with him, she can almost imagine that she can have a home again. And without him, she knows she never will.

 

Her choice is made. Love can be foolish.

 

“Stay with me,” Peeta whispers.

 

She takes a deep breath. “Always.”

 

 

 

 


End file.
